


Dave: Try To Explain

by MyFakeNameIsCee



Category: Homestuck
Genre: College AU, Humanstuck, Other, dance au, lewd metaphors, sex mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 08:56:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3203363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyFakeNameIsCee/pseuds/MyFakeNameIsCee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you seriously doubting that Vantas has the hots for you?”<br/>“He doesn't” John states, he says it like it's the clearest thing to him, like it's a truth he's known to be real for so long it stopped being a thought and started being fact long ago.<br/>“Bro you could not possibly be more wrong in your life.” He really couldn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dave: Try To Explain

**Author's Note:**

> a thing for the dance au that's been cautiously floating around the johnkat chat for a while now. I really wanted to write something and Dave is fun, so there's this.

Scratching the skin below your mirror glasses you grunt under your breath. Seven in the morning was _not_ a good time to hold a college class of any subject, hell it could be “watch the sun rise every day and get a free A in any subject class and you think it would still be unreasonable to have anyone wake up before noon; but damn if some interesting shit doesn't go down before noon. After all, dance class happens before noon.

In fact, that's where you're headed right now. Alongside you bounces the buck-toothed wonder, quite literally the only human being on the face of the planet who's capable of waking up at the asscrack of dawn and not hating everyone. Quite the opposite actually, you know for a fact that nothing makes John Egbert happier than to wake up early to go do something really fucking girly like dancing. Not that it's the dancing that he enjoys. Oh no.

You're convinced that your best bro is thoroughly enamored with your latino dance instructor Karkat Vantas. John tries to hide it. He's absolute shit at hiding it. As the two of you walk to the building where he teaches you can practically see the gears work in his head as he struggles to put together a question. You look ahead and sip on your coffee. Thank god for caffeine.

“Dave you speak Spanish right?”

“Yup”

“What does “doblarme sobre el piano y cogerme, Egbert” mean?”

You almost spit out your coffee. He has no idea in the slightest does he? Ridiculous. This is your best bro everyone, give him a round of applause. Keeping your composure you give him the truth, with the straightest face you're capable of, your poker face would make Lady Gaga proud.

“It means that Vantas wants you to, and I quote _bend him over the piano and fuck him._ ”

John gives you a bored look and scrunches up his nose in indignation. “Dude” he says.

“Dude” you say right back.

“Don't even joke there's no way Karkat would say that.”

You scoff, Vantas let's him call him by his actual _name_ , nobody else has that privilege, but you manage to be friends with the most oblivious and naive person on the face of the earth, so of course he wouldn't catch on. “He let's you call him by his first name bro, there's no way he _wouldn't_ say that.”

“Dave” John states blankly.

“Egbert”

He stares at you like you insulted him personally, frowning with one side of his mouth and an eyebrow perked, his buck teeth poke out over his bottom lip, even his teeth look like they think you're lying to them. “I'm serious man, the sexual tension between you two is so great I think it might manifest into it's own being and start it's own class: How Not To Flirt 101. The class focuses on different things every other week, one of the installments is “dance super close and personal then shove each other apart and drown in sexual frustration while you cry and beat yourself off in the shower and wish you manned up and made a move.”

“No Dave what the fuck.”

“Literally everyone except you two can see it. We're all waiting for you to just dip the teach and have an intense sloppy makeout session on the dance floor. I promise nobody will be the least bit surprised if you did that. Other than Vantas I mean, that guy has such a boner for you I'm pretty sure if you did that he'd shit himself in highschool girl romantic glee and pass out.” You are fully behind this idea too, it's really sad how obvious it is that Mr.Vantas is undeniably crushing on your Bro. You feel sorry for the guy, of all the people for him to subtly flirt with, it'd have to be the only guy childish enough not to get the hint.

Oh and there are plenty of hints. It's not just the way they dance together, which is shameless in itself, it's close and heated and so incredibly intimate that it makes you feel like you just walked in on somebody beating their meat. Just yesterday when John volunteered yet again to help demonstrate a dance move (as he does every damn day) their mouths got so close you were two seconds away from shouting “just kiss already” and being done with the whole ordeal.

“Dave.” John's continued displeasure at what he thinks is your mocking snaps you out of your thoughts.

“We have a pool going for when you guys are going to stop the dancing tango and start the tongue tango.” you reply, which isn't entirely false, the bet only really consists of yourself, rose, and some dude named Sollux that got a hold of you knowing that you take Vantas's class and wanted to know why his pal was so fucking whiny nowadays.

“Dave seriously what are you doing betting on my love life?”

“I only bet on sure things bro, and my bet was thirty bucks on sometime this month so it'd be awesome if you could shove your tongue down his throat sometime soon. Make your move this week and you can have a cut of the winnings.”

John just kind of hums sadly and glares at the floor tiles that move under his feet as you walk. “Well I would withdraw your bet because there's no way that he likes me, and there's no way I'm going to humiliate myself when I know it's not going to happen, I'm sure the way he dances has nothing to do with me being his partner. If You volunteered today I can almost guarantee nothing will change.” "Maybe I will." You won't. John's face drops, it seems to you like the mere idea of your dance instructor dancing that personal with anyone else makes him uncomfortable, and dare you say, upset? Maybe Jealous? You refrain from letting a grin grace your face. Of course you dare, your bro reverts back into a whiny child mode when it comes to this. He wants this dude all to himself . You know this, the class knows this. The only one who doesn't seem to is the object of John's affection himself. You decide poking his buttons will probably put a better look on his face than the kicked puppy type thing he's got crossed on his features right now.

“Do you think if you confessed your undying love to him at the right time we wouldn't have to take a dance final?”

The squeak that escapes John almost makes you lose your stoic composition. “ Dave I would never think of exploiting him like that, how could you even- I- It's not happening.”

Shoving your hands into your jean pockets you huff out a barely patient breath. “Hey don't start saying that, you were the one getting all touchy-touchy on the teach the other day. I swear on my fake Aunt Patty's dildo collection half of us thought you were going to jump his bones and bang him in the middle of class.”

“Dave stop this there is noway I'm going to- or-or he's going to-.” John mutters out, his face is slowly turning itself into a paintball target with how red it's becoming.

“Are you seriously doubting that Vantas has the hots for you?”

“He doesn't” John states, he says it like it's the clearest thing to him, like it's a truth he's known to be real for so long it stopped being a thought and started being fact long ago.

“Bro you could not possibly be more wrong in your life.” He really couldn't.

“Well, he doesn't.” John says again, this time louder and with more frustration, you can almost hear his teeth grit as he tries to comes to turn with his preposterous lies. "Plus he's the teacher, if your imaginary hypothetical ever had a chance, it died the minute I walked through the door. "John he's two years older than you. If this was a highschool drama you would be the innocent freshman who fell in love with the bad boy in his senior year. At the end of the movie you throw caution to the wind and make out for the final scene. Happily ever after until the sequel." John fails to look the least bit convinced. “John, buddy, pal, amigo, Vantas's face makes him look like he has perpetual constipation and shame thanks to how intensely he wants you to stick your piano-playing hands down his awful sweaty dance tights.”

“Hey his tights are so _not_ awful!” You give him a look, of all the things for John to get hung up on in with your comment, it's what you had to say about the tights. Oh course. Classic John Egbert. “ _they make his thighs like woof, not to mention that ass. Wow_ ” He mumbles to himself, if you weren't matching his steps and staying right next to him you might have missed it. Your eyebrows raise up above you shades in astonishment because _oh wow John actually said that_. You wish you had recorded that for Vantas to hear. As John's blue eyes focus forward it's hard to not notice exactly how many shades redder his face is becoming.

“Dude. Dude haha oh my god your face is so fucking red it's like someone dumped a can of fake blood all over you and it stained your face.”

“Shut up Dave.” You will not shut up, you proceed to do the opposite of shutting up.

“Did you start thinking about cramming your hands down his pants and caressing his thighs in the locker room before class? Are you imagining how quiet you'd have to be while you lovingly beat him off in the bathroom, whispering sappy shit into his ear and holding his hand right in yours while you ruin your own sweatpants like “sorry pants it was for the greater good I'll wallow in my mistake later.”

John makes a face like a pile of steaming horse shit was just shoved under his nose and you could swear it's the most hilarious thing you've seen all morning. “Dave, ew what the hell. That was waaay too specific for you to have come up with it on the fly. That's creepy, you're creepy.”

“Holy fucking tapdancing Christ you listened to the whole analogy you totally are thinking about it.”

John throws his arms up in embarrassment and screeches, his voice cracks and you have a really hard time not bursting out in laughter. “Only because you brought it up in such detail!”

A while ago you had made your way outside the doors of the main building and started across the space between there and the dance hall, as it slowly approaches you notice John squirming, it seems you may have made him nervous for today's lesson. You roll ruby eyes under dark glasses, a gesture lost on your bro beside you. “Do you even pay attention to anything he says in class?”

This time it's John's turn to roll his eyes. “I know he says a lot of things in Spanish, but everytime I try to get a straight answer out of you it's always you making up some fake bullshit about what range of sex acts Karkat wants me to perform on him, which are _not_ true. I know that, stop making shit up.” 

You let out a rough chuckle and open the door to the studio, setting your shoes by the door and lumping the mass of books you have to lug around by the benches you left you gaze drift to the subject of the whole conversation. John hasn't even been in the room for a minute and already him and Vantas are making goo-goo eyes at each other. John's chest rises and falls with a sigh as you once again stand next to his much taller frame.

"John I promise you I couldn't make up this level of drama if I tried". John doesn't listen to you.

You shake your head at him. He'll get it eventually.

 

**Author's Note:**

> special thanks to CaffeinatedChelonian for translating some spanish for me.


End file.
